As much as I try to pretend I love Christmas I think I am slowly coming to the realisation, I don’t. The build up is exciting and the feel is wonderful but when it comes to Christmas eve and families are sat down the pub together or gathered in the living all watching films, it makes me realise that I don’t have that. Coming from a broken home isn’t easy but this is the time of year i really feel it. All in different rooms of the house because my Mother’s boyfriend wants to watch his programme on TV. Spending Christmas day with a basic stranger and receiving a fleeting visit from my Father in the morning. Even at 23 it doesn’t feel right. I never thought I would spend Christmas eve 2012 on my own, in bed, crying.
Sometimes I try to stop myself when I can sense I am feeling too happy. From past experiences I have realised that when something good is happening in life, something awful happens to counteract it. Right now I feel I have found someone extremely special and I am terrified of having them realise they don’t want me anymore. Wish I could shake this feeling and stop deliberately trying to sabotage what I have to stop me feeling rejected. Also, how do I stop myself from thinking he will leave me for someone better? Paranoid!
Granted these chips and beans don’t look the most appetising but bloody ell what a combo! I would just like to take a minute to express my love for this joyous meal. This particular tray was actually rather sumptuous and I have to say, on sunny day at the beach I couldn’t have asked for better! Yum bloody yum!
I am someone who becomes a new happy person once the sun is out. So why does it insist in only shining when I have work!?
Well exactly 5 seconds ago I had a spider crawl out from beneath my bed covers and up on to the page of the book I was reading. What a nosey bugger!
So, after escaping the grips from the creepy landlord who liked to let him self into our flat when he thought we were out we have now come into contact with a landlord who is trying to kill us off with a gas leak. So we haven’t signed the contract yet and I am having second thoughts. Are we cursed or are these the usual goings on when trying to move out. Oh joy!